Alright, so I am now growing this very dark, low hairline, that dad says makes me look like Eddie Munster (but mum thinks it makes me look more like Curious George).
And my eyebrows are coming in darkdarkdark, which gives me hope that my hair will grow back black. Or, at the very least, dark brown like my dad's was before he shaved it.
My hair was very thick and BLACK when I was born, but it lightened considerably, and I am rather disappointed.

Oh, and I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail! I can see why that movie has such an ENOURMOUS cult following, but really, I kind of like And Now for Something Completely Different better.

Okay, I am typing in hospital gloves and they are making my hands very sweaty and they are also waaaay too big for me so I can not see the keys sometimes and that is annoying.

Where can I buy a few Commas?

And now I am back from Duke, and my Amazing Grandmother has sterilized EV-ER-Y THING. There is not a surface in this house that has not known the touch of a Lysol wipe.
Even the mouse has been sterilized. The keyboard was sterilized, while I was in the middle of writing a long email to one of my friends, and I think it was deleted.

No, actually I am positive it was deleted.

Being immuno-compromised is not in any way fun.

(On the plus side, this is the home keyboard and the home computer, and these keys do not stick or drive me completely BONKERS.)

...And now thanks to dad's pop-up blocker and sticky keyboard, I don't know if leterary is spelled with one or two t's! Just don't read that last post. In the long run, it will most likely do you no good and be hazardous to your health in the meantime.

And really, I don't see what dad's sticky keyboard has to do with it, except that the space bar sticking is really annoying me.

Well, what can I say? Chemo pretty much sucks. I know that isn't very literary of me, but my food intake and urine ouput are being monitered at the moment, and I am sorrry to gross you out, but I don't have time to waste being literary.

So, yeah...

Doing...okaaay.

I just had my dressing ripped off by one of my many nurses. At around 11, my own stem cells wll be implanted into my body, from whence they were harvested painstakigly several months previously. How is your morning going?

There, now you can't say that wasn't literary.

Ways I Am Like a Pregnant Woman:

1. Cravings.
2. Morning Sickness.
3. This nausea medication for pregnant women to prevent morning sickness.
4. Pregnancy tests with my blood (like I am so going to run out and have promiscuous sex in the middle of my cancer treatments, people).
5. An Ultrasound (but don't worry, it was one of my heart, so that's okay).

By brother is OUT IN THE WOODS AGAIN, so my other brother and my dad are out looking for him. At night. After Five. In the woods.
Not only did my darling go out without a walkie-talkie again, not only has he been out since lunch, but he also left his water bottle.
Is my brother a genius or what?

Well, okay, not completely irredeemable.
The photographer I told you about took a bunch of pictures of me for the Joan of Ark thing, and he and his wife were really nice, and the fact that he bought me a box of Godiva that I was FORBIDDEN to share more than once didn't hurt, either.

I have learned that professional photographers are crazy, though, just like professional actors. They all share a love of the human form, then ignore it completely when it's time to eat.

And did you know that you can cook Sushi in a dishwasher? You wrap the Sushi in question in foil so it doesn't get soggy, put on the top wrack of a loaded dishwasher, start it, and Voila! For instant Japanese, just add soapy water!

This day has rendered itself completely irredeemable.

So this place called Yanceyville (I think that's how you spell it) is about, oh, an hour and a half from where I live. It's kind of fun, if you have a reason for being there, but there's basically nothing. They have a couple schools, a Fire Department or two, a couple farms, and innumerable houses.
It's in the middle of nowhere, really.

So we know these people with a farm and stuff, and they are having their annual Plow Day, with pony rides, looks at farm equipment and cows (I love cows! I had a cow birthday once!), Free Food, and bunches of people.

We get there.

It is canceled.

Not really, just rain-checked, but still.

The weather is PERFECT, by the way.

They aren't even freaking outside. They won't even answer the freaking phone.
GOD.
One and a half hours. With current gas prices.

So then, just to see if there was any way to make our day just a tiny bit WORSE, we stop in at Ben and Jerry's, because we all need something sweet after such a horrendous morning (it isn't yet 11, and already the day sucks eggs).

Get this, though--B&J's doesn't open till noon.

May I ask what kind of joint does not open till noon? What sadistic creep dictated that Ben and Jerry's would not open till noon?! People need sustenance before then! I sure do, anyway.

So then we got to our downtown farmer's market to see if the Garlic people are there so we can get Chipolate Dip, and--surprise, surprise--the Garlic people have already packed up and left.

I would ask some one to shoot me, but my parents are paying waaaaaaay to much for doctors and stuff for me to die...

My eyes are so bleary right now, I can hardly read to save my life.
Now, you may wonder why I can see the letters on the keyboard and type and all that. I often do myself.
I guess I'm just special that way.

During dinner tonight, I was telling mom how I didn't mind the patented Guys Stubble on my head. "I honestly really truly without a doubt don't mind it," I said, "but fuchen, no amount of conditioner will soften it."
For some reason, this sent mum into gales of hysterical laughter, but I can't figure out why. Perhaps that wine was more potent than we realized.

And right after dinner, my youngest brother came down from his shower wearing a navy-blue bathrobe, a Darth Vader voice-changer mask (rather tilted), and carrying Yoda's lightsaber: Midget Darth Vader Home from cocktail Party.
"Loooke, baby, believe me, I am totally-HIC!-you father."

...Oh, yeah, and I'm also going to be Joan of Ark in a photo project in September. Apparently, the English shaved her head before leading her to the stake.
Did I forget to mention that?

And nobody wanted to take my picture before The Dreaded C Word. Maybe I'll just keep my head shaved when my hair starts growing back, I seem to be more popular as a model without it, although all my friends go about with permanently worried expressions...

On Monday, I received my first Flowers From Some One Who Will Not Reveal His/Her Name.
Having a life-threatening illness is definitely not without it's perks.

And I got to see all my guys (a.k.a. Boyscouts) Monday night, after I had my first choir thingymadohickey, and everything is very glowy.
You know, the irony of the world being glowy while I'm on Chemo's doorstep is sickening, but lo! even I shall endure...

I just made my first Legal MP3 Download!!! Be proud of me!

...And other breaking news stories. Hard facts, people. Not. A. Slow. News day.

Well, maybe. Perhaps...

Last night, around, oh, say, 9:30, while watching Fiddler on the Roof, a car pulls in to our driveway.
We're all thinking, Okay, they can't prove anything, we're innocent, and anyway, that whole Salamander Incident was all cleared up, right?
So then this midget (hey, it was dark out, 'K? Cut us some slack. My apologies to Laura, by the way...) comes running up our front stoop stairs, and we open the door, and are immediately assaulted by a huge display of FIREWORKS in our Cul-de-sack. I mean, it's completely fabulous, not only because it wasn't the authorities, but hey! Someone I Know (and Her/His/Their Kids) came and shot off Fireworks!
And then the neighbors came out, and they clapped, and we clapped, and The People I Know clapped, and we laughed and cried and made merry and had a grand old time.

It was seriously the best way to finish Radiation FOREVAH!!!

I am done!!!

...Somehow I imagined it would involve more firework displays and people running through the streets proclaiming my greatness...

Ah, well. I am going to be having Mimosas and chocolate and staying up late because I CAN, and also getting up LATE on a WEEK DAY like I haven't been able to do for SIX BLASTED WEEKS just because I like getting up late--My preferred hours are 9-5, so who can blame me?

Anywho...
There's nothing very exciting going on. I got a cut on my thumb pad while I was taking a Detox bath, but that is excessively dull...

Done! I am so happy...

TWO! MORE DAYS! OF MY ACCURSED RADIATION!

GO ME! GO ME! I LOVE THE CAPS-LOCK KEY!

Okay, I totally didn't mean for that to rhyme...
Also, you must remember that the Radiologists did absolutely nothing. The thrice-accursed Chuck Norris and I generated our own Radiation. We also went to Pluto. It was way cool.

My mum just got back from having an hour-long massage.
She came home smelling like oils and fresh sheets and stuff.
She immediately proceeded to draw herself a very deep, very hot, very bubblicious bath, light some candles, and have an enormous glass of very dry white.
Now, she is so relaxed that she is about to fall over on the couch and murmur for a blanket.

Five more days of Radiation.

Oh, and Carson moved to Wisconsin today, after drawing Chinese characters on my bald head with face paint.
I wrote him scads of letters with titles like, "To be opened when you miss me, if there ever is such an instance" and "To be opened when you need to scream, or, To be opened when you get to your house".

I admit, writing these letters was loads of fun.

Having Carson move...

Not so fun.

My friend is moving to WICONSINFORTHELOVEOFGOD tomorrow.
I am therefore going into mourning. Curling up my bed and never, ever coming out again.

Of course, I have Radiation tomorrow, so that might prove difficult.
Black is in order.

On the up-side, 6 more days of Radiation, and one of the patients there used to work with Lou Sedaris.

Oh.


My God.


You will never, ever, ever guess what I got on my birthday. I didn't even guess. Which is unusual for me. Usually, I get two things:
1. Chocolate (always worth the extra million pounds afterward)
2. Books.

So it's pretty repetitive, except that bar of lime chocolate I got from Dagoba last year, and that copy of Trickster's Queen. Those, I must admit, were utterly fabulous.

But back to my story, see...

You will never, ever guess what I got on my birthday.

Nope, it's not that.

Not that, either.

Eeeeew, definitely not that.

No, it's an

iPod Nano.

Which means it's really, really small.

Now, I DID NOT ASK FOR ANYTHING REMOTELY LIKE THIS, THIS EXPENSIVE, OR TO HAVE ANYTHING THAT TAKES UP THIS MUCH BATTERY POWER. I AM EXPENSIVE ENOUGH ALREADY.

I have seen those bills from Duke, and just be glad you're not getting them, because they are Not At All Pretty. Honestly. Really. Truly.

But I would not trade this for cheap bills.

Nope. My beloved Greggory stays with me. Oh, yeah.

Life is so, so good...

Alrighty, now.
I got off the computer after checking my email, and read some (this really great mystery by Rita Mae Brown, Full Cry. I tell you, I am learning so many foxhunting terms, they are coming out my ears.)
Okay, and my Parental Unit #1, otherwise known as my mum, said, and I quote, "That's it?? Aren't you going to get on the web? Aren't you going to blog something? Even if it's just a sentence, it'll be worth it."
And I suggested this: "Tired: the new me."
And to this, she said: "How about 'what a bitch my mum is. She's making me take a thousand supplements a day that make me gag, and this awful fish oil that makes me feel like throwing up, and whenever I am nauseated, she foists ginger tea or water on me, whichever is closest.' How about that?"

Well, yeah, she does make me take a thousand supplements a day, and she does make me take fish oil (awful, terrible, horrible stuff), and, true, she does make me take ginger tea, because it is good for nausea, but she is also making mac'n'cheese, and milkshakes, and choco-coco treats, and peppermint tea, and bacon, and Oatmeal, and stuff.

What can I say? My mum truly is the man.

I AM GOING TO HAVE THIS DARNED CATHETER OUT ON THE TENTH!!!!!


I think that pretty much speaks for its self.


Let's see, this weekend we are going up to the Mountains and first rescuing my Absolute Favorite Boyscout in the Universe from the horrors of Summer Camp Food, and then we are going to CFO (Camps Farthest Out), where I will make everyone hug me because I am surviving Radiation.


And that

Is all.

Ha.

List of Most Exciting Things That Happened To Me This Week

Radiation.
Radiation.
More Radiation.
Radiation (although I hardly consider that exiting now).
Nosila calling me from the top of the Empire State Building (one quick note on this: last time I was in New York, I was all of six and very asleep. So, you know, being called from the top of the Empire State Building was very, very...Very.).
Going to the park with all those Homeschoolers!!!
Carson saying he's moving to WISCONSIN OF ALL PLACES within four weeks (I tell you, my heart almost stopped beating. Wish *AHEM* would move...)

...And...That's it. I plan to do a lot of sleeping this weekend. Just to let you know.